When you become a mom, you learn that life no longer revolves around you. Your decisions, your actions affect another life. This life you created.
I am here.
In this place where I don't know what to do. Do I stay in a "safe" zone and show my girls that taking risks isn't as important as stability? Or do I jump and fight to stand to show my girls that with dedication and sacrifice, you can conquer anything? There's a grey area though. The unsure ness of it all. The messy questions and doubts.
What's more important? What will make you, your family better off? What will make you happy?
You are always asked at some point in your life what does your heart want. But what if your brain says something different? Is it worth taking the jump if you fall? What if jumping comes with sacrifices that take awhile for others to understand?
To make myself happy, to make my family happy, are not in sync with each other.
breathe.
Living in "if" and "do I" are hard things to break. This, of course, is coming from someone who plans everything as much as possible and creates lists and power points to come to a decision.
I used to be a person who flowed. Nothing ever rattled me. Becoming a mother literally cracks open your chest and your heart, your children, create such a soft spot that even a wisp of air makes you worry at times. Maybe I'm being too emotional about it. But Children create something in parents. Be it a soft spot, vulnerability or what have you. The point is it isn't a bad thing. It makes your more cautious. It means you need to look before you jump. I do not believe for one minute that the girls are holding me back.
They make me think before I step
They help me understand, in depth, what a good and bad decision leads to.
But they also make me want to be the best person I can be. I want to be their proof that in today's crappy world, you can still be YOU and do what you set your mind to.
I want to show them that being genuine and determined can lift your soul up so high, you can't help but smile at the view.
I want to be their hero.
-YCM